Must Be Present to Win from Vickie Austin
Chicken or Beef?
August 2007 Last week my husband Bill and I
had dinner out at a local Mexican food restaurant. Because there was
a 20-minute wait to get a table, we chose to eat in the bar and the
bartender waited on us. When I placed my order for a burrito, he
asked me, "Chicken or beef?" "Chicken, please," I replied. Within
seconds, he asked me again with a blank look, "Did you want chicken
or beef?"
Now, you could say I'm getting cranky in my old age (go ahead,
say it). But I was testy about having to repeat myself because it
was crystal clear to me that this young man wasn't being
present. He wasn't present to me, (AKA "the customer"), to my
husband or to our order. And it was no surprise when he gave us the
wrong bill at the end of the meal.
If 85% of Life is Showing Up...
There's a great
line from Woody Allen (who used to be one of my favorite directors
until he up and ran off with his step-daughter). I've heard it
paraphrased in different ways, but it's essentially that "85% of
life is just showing up."
While that may be true, I'd have to say that as important as
showing up is actually being present when you do show up.
That means that we may have to give up our favorite national
pastime, multi-tasking. Because it's impossible to multi-task and
also be present.
The Gift is in the Present
So how do you know
when someone is present? Here are just a few hints:
- The person is looking directly at you, or at least he isn't
doing a Sudoku puzzle.
- They are not reading their Blackberry or text- messaging
someone else.
- Occasionally the person will give you some verbal sign that he
or she is tracking with you ("Oh, really?" "You're kidding!" "I
don't believe it!" "Uh-huh..." or even a grunt.)
- Every once in a while, they'll lob something back at you in
the form of an answer or a question.
Other forms of being present are driving without talking on the
cell phone (shown to dramatically decrease your chances of a motor
vehicle accident); turning off the TV while conversing; and turning
away from your computer while talking to someone on the phone. I
know it isn't easy to be conscious and present to people, especially
with the seduction of technology, but letting someone know you're
listening--really listening--could be the biggest boon to
your (fill in the blank) career / business / marriage or partnership
/ relationship with your children that you can imagine. And at the
very least, you'll remember if they ordered chicken or beef.
Distinguishing the "Dip"
Speaking of showing up, client,
friend and colleague Judy Beaver, who is a virtual assistant (
www.theofficepro.net), and I showed up at a recent Chicagoland
Chamber of Commerce event featuring author and marketing guru Seth
Godin to hear him speak about his new book,
The Dip.
Mr. Godin is the distinguished author of many books including
The Purple Cow and he shared highlights from his newest book
in which he claims, essentially, that quitting is way underrated.
Sometimes, he says, quitting is absolutely the right thing to do in
spite of Vince Lombardi's famous quote about "winners never quitting
and quitters never winning." The challenge, according to Mr. Godin,
is to distinguish between a "dip" and a "cul-de-sac."
Spotting the Cul-de-Sacs
The Dip is that "long
slog between starting and mastery." For aspiring physicians, it
might be organic chemistry. For a business owner, it could be
accounting. The Dip is that long stretch between beginner's luck and
real accomplishment and according to Mr. Godin, it's the screen set
up to winnow out the mediocre from the best. And being the best, he
says, is seriously underrated.
The trick of course is to determine whether what we're facing is
a Dip, something we can move through and out of, or a Cul-de-Sac...
the dead end. For entrepreneurs, or someone in mid-career facing the
prospect of changing jobs, that's a critical distinction. Mr. Godin
acknowledges that quitting as a short-term strategy may be a bad
idea, but quitting for the long- term can be an excellent choice.
For a full review of this book, please contact Laurie Swanson at
Laso Corporation (lswanson
@lasocareers.com) for a copy of her most recent newsletter, in
which I contributed an article about the book called "Know When to
Fold 'Em." Laurie's firm, Laso Corporation, is a premiere recruiting
firm in the Chicagoland area specializing in matching corporations
with technology talent, from executives to specialists. Thank you,
Laurie, for inviting me to contribute to your e-newsletter.
A Dream Come True
Please forgive me for the lapse in
communicating--it's been a while since I've sent this e-newsletter,
and I've missed connecting with all of you. But I have a great
excuse: I was traveling the globe. Yes, CHOICES Worldwide has
finally gone worldwide.
Thanks to my colleague, client and friend John Kenney of
ModusLink, Inc., I assisted in developing a sales training program
that took us from Austin, TX, to Paris, France, and then on to
Taipei, Taiwan, this summer. John, who was in my executive master's
degree program at Thunderbird, asked me to contribute to the "soft
skills" portion of the training and so I was honored to be part of
his team along with Kristen Diamond and Helen Witting of ModusLink
and Dr. Rosa Colon of Global Talent Excellence.
My Own Mt. Kilimanjaro
To say this was a dream
come true is an understatement: some of you may remember my column
about my landlord Bob Funk's visit to Mt. Kilimanjaro, and my
question to each of you, "What's your Mt. Kilimanjaro?", that one
thing you absolutely
have to do in your lifetime. Mine was to
visit Paris, and not only did I get the opportunity to do so, but I
had the chance to conduct business there with my esteemed colleague,
John Kenney. I also met my friend and fellow Thunderbird Diane
Demrick in Paris a few days early and we met our goal of hitting
three sites per day
plus every cafe we could visit in
between. And I finally got to use my college French, providing the
locals with vast entertainment while I struggled for verbs learned
in 1976. The French people were both patient and charming.
I'm forever indebted to John for inviting me to be part of this
exciting project... and I learned much about cross-cultural
communications by working with his fabulous, multi-talented, funny
and generous sales force across the globe. If you want to read more
about my Paris exploits, feel free to visit my new Web log (blog),
"Quotidian Adventures" at http://quotidianadventures.blogspot.com.
Some Parting Words
So I promise not to let so much time
go by between e- newsletters... and I hope you'll write and let me
know what you think of my blog. I am also delighted to be part of a
group of pioneer "bloggers" for the Empowering Women Network's new
blog (visit
www.empoweringwomen.net
and click on "blog").
I'm off to Phoenix for a week of fun, family and business, so if
you're in Phoenix and want to connect, please let me know. In the
meantime, enjoy these last waning days of summer. Here in the
Midwest we're cleaning up after a storm that toppled trees (one fell
on our house) and filled our basements with water, leaving some of
us without electricity for several days. And hey, there's nothing
like having your power go off for a few days to really make
you present. Love, Vickie
About CHOICES Worldwide
CHOICES Worldwide is a coaching practice based in Wheaton, IL,
with offices in Chicago and Phoenix, serving mid-career
professionals in transition, business owners and executives. For
information about individual, business or executive coaching, please
call 630/510-1900 or write admin@choicesworldwide.com.
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